Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
