Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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