id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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