I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
