Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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