turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize