pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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