I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
