Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just took my morning after pill in the library
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
