My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize