hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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