Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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