Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
