Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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