and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
