We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize