I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
