Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
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