My first STD was from a foam party
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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