i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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