she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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