I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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