I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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