I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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