video games are the ultimate cock blocker
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize