It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
