uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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