I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
