I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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