I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
