Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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