I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize