dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
As shirtless as possible
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
