with your own penis?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
