I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
