maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize