This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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