I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
