i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
