and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
did i walk over a car last night?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
