Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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