let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
