I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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