All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
