I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
