Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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