Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
