i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
