The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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