ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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