im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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