Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
