Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
