You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
