So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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