Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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