Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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