as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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