that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
