If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize