Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
