ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
There are leaves in my underwear?
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