She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
pray to the hookup gods
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
