Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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