Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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