Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
