it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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