Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just want nice things and good sex
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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