it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
