FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
