It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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