You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
