??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
