I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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