What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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