So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
