Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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