on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize