Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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