I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
