Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
