are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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