Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
