Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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