It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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