Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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