I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
