shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
