just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
is that a dick in a sweater?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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