I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize