Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
