i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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