he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
