You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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