The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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