goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
