At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
