i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
