i don't like sucking hair
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
