I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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