Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
