Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
