Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
