I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
