We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize