I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
