So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
