Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My dick has a subreddit
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize