Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
